Written in the time of Lockdown
My love and my job is to receive people. To create safe conditions for them to come forward and be seen, heard, reflected and welcomed into the fold of belonging. Why do I love it so much and find it so deeply fulfilling? You could say, because it is wholesome and needed but there are more layers to it.
In recent days I have become more acutely aware of my deep human need to be seen and received and of what a taboo that is. Can I really allow myself to have that need? Observing myself and speaking to friends I became aware of layers of distortions around this, which largely come from our early experience.
I remember as a child experiencing myself as a shining bundle of love, that just wanted to shower everyone and everything with it. I remember my environment being largely indifferent if not unwelcoming of my outpouring. I remember the pain and a kind of incredulous confusion about my experience:“What do you mean? You don’t want my love/joy/blessing? Does that mean-you don’t want me?”Deeper the confusion went: “Why would you reject something that feels so good inside of me? This is Life longing for Itself. If this Life is coming through me- how could it not want to receive Itself through you? “It hurt. I formed my ego defences around it. Hence, in my adult life I developed pockets of reality- my work- where people give and receive of each other. And here is the poignant, human, wound and gift connection.
At this time of lock down this nourishment has been largely taken away from me and I have been invited to feel more fully the pain of my childhood. Which is good, both for my work and my relationships; with fewer unknown motivations beneath them. And I am sensing this need to be seen to be more prevailing all around, as we are not witnessed or fully felt in our everyday life- in community/social gatherings, classes, work places, even on the streets. Our organismic belonging is less visible and palpable. So, I want to grow a larger heart around this precious human need and to celebrate it. I want to make it “cool” again to want to be seen. Please see me, receive me. Please let me see you and receive you.
ADMIT SOMETHING (by Hafiz)
Everyone you see, you say to them,
Love me.
Of course you do not do this out loud;
Otherwise,
Someone would call the cops.
Still though, think about this,
This great pull in usTo connect.
Why not become the one
Who lives with a full moon in each eye
That is always saying,
With that sweet moon language,
What every other eye in this world
Is dying to Hear.
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